Life takes care of us
Could we talk about the teaching of Awakening?
We could, if you like… however there is not much point in it. We could talk for hours on end about it, but if you have not experienced it for yourself, you cannot see it, you cannot get it.
I would rather suggest: simply be true to what you know already, simply be totally honest with yourself… what do you like right now? What are you doing? What are you feeling? What are you thinking, right this very minute? Be fully present to whatever is there for you in this moment… your individual consciousness is universal, so give your heart and soul to it unconditionally. Do not think about anything else. When it happens naturally, without any effort, this is the ultimate state. It is this “thing” the Absolute, Ultimate Reality that is seeking you out. And it will find you when it has decided to do so. In this state beyond all states, in this immense heart that beats eternally, spontaneously, you will discover who you truly are.
For the only real teaching is once this “thing” is experienced. This thing that leads us to no longer mistakenly identify with what we are not: the body, the senses, the mind, the emotions, nor think of ourselves as somebody. This feeling of inexistence, referred to as Awakening, is spontaneous and instantaneous. Then there is clarity, an internal transformation, a very strong inner teaching. And this is the only real teaching.
It is this “thing”, this Absolute that teaches us?
Yes, this discovery that takes over everything, including the ego. We cannot kill the ego, but this “thing” has the power to take over in such a way that the ego can no longer constantly re-construct itself, from one minute to the next. Life, this consciousness manifesting, continues to play itself out, but in the background. In the fore-ground there is this silence, this verticality. Thus this horizontality, this consciousness manifesting is.
What would you have to say to those who identify with their personality and want to kill their ego?
Okay, this state has not been discovered, however…. this state, which truly speaking is not a state, well we are it already. Awakening is the discovery of this oneness. It is seeing that before you are this consciousness manifesting, be it individual or universal, you are “something” that is “upstream”. We are, all, this “thing”, this Absolute. Only it is veiled by this manifesting consciousness. So this “thing” is there, this intensity is there. And it will find you. It will seize you, lead you to discover true reality. It will teach you. Reveal your true nature. There is only you and once you discover that, there is nothing but love.
And before that….?
Speaking from my own experience, before that simply be who you truly are, be totally honest as you. In other words, be one with life, with your desires, your suffering, whatever presents itself. Live fully, intensely, simply… don’t think of yourself as bigger than you are. Avoid having two or three voices in your head… already one telling you, you are somebody, is enough. Try to accept life the way it is, the best way you can, without pretending you could be anyone other than who you are, do anything other than the way you do it.
Is it a matter of accepting life the way it is, without this constant commentary in the background saying it should be different?
It is being in the flow of life as much as possible. That is what living simply is. This does not mean you have a very intense, eventful life. If you are passionate by nature, live passionately, if you are someone who is calm by nature, live quietly. Very often there is this little voice constantly there saying: “I should do this differently, my life should be different….” So, accept this voice. Don’t make things complicated. For example, do not let another voice take over with things like: “I should not have this voice in my head.” Simply let yourself live, let life follow its course.
When you say live “intensely”… what intensity are you referring to?
I am referring to my own experience. I did not have an intense life, full of passion, with strong emotions that shook me. No… to live “intensely” is to fully experience the love you feel for your son, for your mother, intensely feel your love for yourself. That is all there is, you see… it does not matter in the least whether you are a star or a cleaning lady. “Intensely” here refers to this love of life. It can equally be, to intensely enjoy the party, if you are someone who likes partying, or the taste of the wine you are drinking… Intensely, that is all. In any case life takes care of us and will bring us back to where we need to be.
What about someone who has a tendency to be depressed, does not love himself, isn’t he light years away from this spiritual life?
No. Because you can also live these moments of crisis intensely, these moments when things are not going the way you want them to…. For it is a matter of accepting life the way it is, whatever it looks like right now. Some depressed people are very spiritual. Living “intensely” means not adding to the questions that already arise precisely because you believe you are someone.
So we should feel things, feel what we are doing now, be fully present to the dishes we are washing right now, present to the emotional shock we have just received… rather than think about it?
It is doing the dishes and having a head full of thoughts that carry us away elsewhere. It is accepting ourselves truly the way we are, with this little voice in our head, since that is what is happening.
People often speak of an observer, a witness: being aware of what we are doing, observing ourselves thinking, reacting… Do you mean to say it is not even worth the effort?
Accept yourself the way you are, the way you live… including the fact that you have spent a whole day so caught up in your thoughts that you were not consciousness for a single minute. And the little voice that keeps repeating that you should have been different in such and such a situation, when confronted with this person or that situation. Accept life. Because in any case, the way you are, with the way you perceive things, what you believe, you cannot exist other than as a person… so you must let things be, you must give this intensity a chance to “discover itself” once it has decided to do so. When the feeling that you exist disappears, there is nothing more to be done. Silence has its own way of uninterruptedly expressing itself and is a constant teacher.
Therefore saying “yes” to life is better than saying “no”?
I would not say it is saying “yes”… rather it is being neutral, appropriate. Sometimes you sense that you must say “no”. It is more appropriate, more in tune with the situation than a “yes”. This neutrality allows you to not be totally there… and yet totally there at the same time.
But, this neutrality - does the person “discover” it? Is it not rather this “thing” that is already at work?
From the moment when existence took over – that is to say the awareness of the existence of oneself and of the world – you must live it, live this existence, live your life without searching for this feeling of inexistence which we tend to think will make us happier, calmer… it’s not true. “I” cannot find inexistence – “I” is not meant to seek it. It is inexistence that seeks us out.
So it doesn’t make any sense to follow a spiritual path?
But of course it makes sense. If life leads you to follow a spiritual path, practice meditation, with an apparent progression towards more and more subtle states of consciousness, you must respect that. You must go ahead, live it to the full, intensely. It’s that too, accepting your life the way it is. Accept your path the way it is… so that one day you will no longer be following a known path.
People often talk about the importance of being present in the moment, of welcoming the emotion, the sensation… Is this vigilance not a path in and of itself?
Yes it is a path. It is part of life. Spontaneously, we all experience this, all of it. We constantly experience emotions, situations that stir us up. And then one day, without even asking for it, without being able to do anything to encourage it, nor prevent it, you are face to face with it. This switch removes our blindness about what we believe we are – emotions, feelings, thoughts - suddenly we realize we are none of them. We continue to live with them, but we are no longer identified with them. Our true nature is not that, our true nature cannot be put into words… Discover this and you will see…
Love, meditation, presence do they not seek us out? They are not something we “personally” do or choose…?
Of course. This is what is so beautiful about love, love cannot be thought. Suddenly it takes hold of you. It’s magic in that it makes you forget, it pulls you away from your individual consciousness and plunges you into universal consciousness. This is why there is union. This is why the first months, the first years are always special. But sooner or later, individual consciousness takes the upper hand…. And you have to change partners!
What do you think about sitting in meditation and all the “spiritual practices” offered by the progressive approach?
They are as good as anything else… but there is absolutely nothing that will “make” us more available for this switch to happen. Some, who have never followed a spiritual path, have been taken by this “thing”. The opposite is also true.
What you say is both very encouraging and very discouraging. Discouraging because whatever I do will not make the slightest difference: what will be, will be. And encouraging for the same reason!
It’s true. This is how I see it, how I feel about it. I cannot say “do this, practice that”: I just don’t see it like that.
Other than giving yourself totally to what you experience in life…
Precisely. Give your whole heart to life just the way it is… and this big heart that beats eternally will come and take you. Then one can do nothing but learn, do nothing but experience each moment, in the moment. Because it is so exciting. Because it is there all the time. There, before anything else, before everything we could believe we are. It’s a big book, open inside us, which brings us the clarity with which to see reality….
On the “progressive path”, we can have extraordinary experiences, visions, clear-sightedness, feelings of infinite spaciousness… moments that are so intense that the awareness of “I, me” sometimes is erased. What value do these experiences have in your eyes?
These are what we could call “moments of openness”. Their intensity is such that they take over. One goes beyond oneself.
So where are we in that moment then, still in universal consciousness? Or in “something else”?
I am tempted to say that it is this universal consciousness that is present, that is very open…. You are no longer there as a person… but you are not disconnected either. If you reconnect, even if only for a second, to this individual consciousness, then it is not a direct path and you do not remain in the Absolute, the absolute Silence.
So, real disconnection, Awakening, happens once and for all? There is no turning back, is that right?
You can’t. It is so strong that there is no turning back. There can be moments of doubt, consciousness is still there: only it has not taken over. But this intensity, “this thing” which is being before all else, no longer lets go of consciousness, be it individual or universal. Eyes closed, eyes open, you see; you are this clarity, this Ultimate Reality; and this is so even when the world manifests itself; you always know it is there, you know it is there… So, no, there is no turning back. “This thing” takes over everything. And you, as a body, a mind, a so-called person, no longer have the ability to turn back. It is total disconnection, turning back is not an option.
So these states have nothing to do with Awakening. They don’t even prepare you for it, okay. Are they not a sort of foretaste, or foresight of what will be perceived later on?
In the moment, yes. However, “I” comes back afterwards. So it is not a total disconnection, which places you beyond all these states even as they appear. There are direct paths in which such “foretastes” do not occur, others in which they do. In any case, this disconnection from the belief that you are someone is spontaneous, instantaneous, constant and never ceases.
So following a “spiritual path” is a path like any other, but it is not a path “towards” Enlightenment?
That is right, it has nothing to do with it… but you must respect this path.
….this path that is neither better nor worse than any other path through life….
Exactly.
Interview by Laurence Vidal
Right in the middle of a totally ordinary life, as a mother, wife, business woman, Yolande experienced a spontaneous awakening in 2003.
Article translated by Mary Mann from the original which appeared in the French Revue 3e millénaire, # 91.
